Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm

I was tricked into taking a leisurely walk today. It was supposed to only last 20 Min's. Instead it was a 1 hour opus that was the Irish equivalent of falling down the rabbit hole. My walk through Cherubury Park consisted on the following twilight zone scenes:

We were rounding a bushy corner when we re-encountered a guy who looked like the spit the spit of Crispen Glover's greasy character from Charlies Angels. This guy was dressed in his best paedo jacket and when he passed me was carrying yellow gloves. We didn't take much notice of him until we rounded this corner just in time to see him don what were in fact yellow marigolds and proceed to do precisely 1 chin up from a car park's goal post barrier.

His one chin up was then rudely interrupted by a bus full of people which stopped to let a guy off, who along with us looked on at this guy in a classic wtf moment.

Crispen alike lowered himself to the ground, dusted himself off and proceeded on his merry marigold way.

Maybe he was gearing himself up for a strangling...


But on a more positive note we did discover the best new game in the world...

Rollerblade football.

Its football on rollerblades but your goal posts are your neighbours cars. The first one to knock the bumper off with the ball wins...

Weasel versus Badger!!!!!!!!!!!

No its not the name of the new Michael Bay movie. Instead its the sudden outburst that spilled from my mouth in an epic say what you see moment.


My new arch enemy decided to take on the resident Tony Jaa in a failed verbal smackdown all because he answered a question that was not directed at him. We were all gathered around to say goodbye to a colleague, when in a classic case of spotlight grabbing she attacked small dog style.

Everyone stood in shock / uncomfortable silence, not quiet sure how to break it up or what to do.

"Wow, its like a Weasel versus a Badger," came a booming voice from the hushed awkwardness.

Then I realised my mouth had betrayed me...

Memories

Today I remember one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me. But rather than keep it in my head I blurted out the following:

"Oh Guys, do you remember that time you all though I was choking and stumbled to the water cooler with the manager pounding on my back to clear my airway?"
"Yeah"
"Well it wasn't because i was choking on food..."
"No?"
"No. I just forgot how to swallow my own mouth spit and breath at the same time"

No wonder my team wont do anything I say now

Only a mothers love....

This little gem is courtesy of Fur Coat No Knickers a beloved colleague...

''OOOOOOOOOh Sneactha (not his real name but just as wankery) will be getting his train tracks on tomorrow."
"Really? Do you actually hate your kid?"
"No, of course I don't but mark my words in a few months train tracks will be all the rage in his class..."

Yes indeed, the kid with alopecia and braces and who's bullied by even the fat kids because he is just one giant freckle will be a trend setter....

Cowboys versus Fishermen...

That's the plot of George A Romero's new film Survival of The Dead.

I first saw the trailer about 6 months ago. At first I thought it was a joke. A piece put together by fan boys but no... I can officially confirm that Romero has whored his name out like a rental taxi plate and made a film so shiteous that he pissed all over my memories of the early dead films and has caused me to abandon all hope...

This film has it all, zombies on horses, feuding Irish neighbours and the inept American Army. All this aside the real point of this film is pit some Texan / Irish cowboys against Captain Birdseye and his mismashed band of merry men.

This may sound epic and awesome but its not.

Without Tom Savini doing the effects, the zombies are essentially shambling around with bits of rasher and ham stuck to their faces. They sound like the zombie cartoon character from the end of the Buffy credits. And all they can do is bite your cheek, dress in lumberjack shirts and scrab the arm off ya.

Although I suppose the lumberjack shirt is a better piece of clothing to die in as opposed to the Irish trend of luminous slouchy socks, shorts and pastel tights, aka Attack of the Illuminous Dead - the plot of which would revolve around Dicko and Deco two scanda jacketed muppets trying to survive wave after wave of Scobes, Junkies, D4 dickheads and Zombies in their quest to find some more packets of rizzlaaaaaaaaaaaa and a light...

Hey George rent me your name the next time and I'll make this movie! It'll be fookin rapiiiiiiiiiiiiiit